Fish: “Give me back that filet o fish
Give me that fish
Give me back that filet o fish
Give me that fish
What if it were you
Hanging up on this wall?
If it were you in that sandwich
You wouldn’t be laughing at all!”

Jim Quackigan: “What’s interesting about bologna is that it’s not only a meat-it’s an insult. ‘You’re full of bologna!’ That kind of implies that bologna makes you lie. I eat bologna all the time….or maybe I don’t. That’s just the bologna talking….Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who’s that for? ‘I like my bologna like a martini..with an olive.’..’I'll have the bologna sandwich..DIRTY!”

I love comedy bits from Jim Gaffigan. His jokes are like a Hot Pocket party in my mouth. Catch his entire stand up tonight at 9pm on Comedy Central.

“Once upon a time there was an evil man. He was a cook. His name was Wolfgang Duck and he didn’t get that name for nothing!”